Jonathan Ayers
J-ust remembering all the good times we had
O-nly you could make me so glad
N-othing but laughter when we were together
A-lways a smile, no matter the weather
T-hank you for being my brother, my friend
H-olding you in my heart, until the very end
A-nytime I think of you, I can say
N-o one but you could brighten my day
A-n angel is what you are
Y-ou are special, a twinkling star
E-specially bright, lighting up the sky with love
S-omebody great, looking down from above
DaniDee
Sunday, September 11, 2016
Friday, May 6, 2016
FAiLURE
FAiLURE -- It is not an option yet it's something you choose; the man with a plan is destined to lose. FAiLURE -- You know there is no one else to blame, for the choices you make are always the same. FAiLURE -- It's all your fault, this streak of bad luck; no escape from this cycle in which you are stuck.
- TLH
Sunday, May 1, 2016
REMOVED
Sometimes someone hurts you so bad, it stops hurting at all. Until something makes you feel again and then it all comes back -- every word, every hurt, every moment. How could you ever understand where I come from? Even if you ask, even if you listen, you do not really hear or see or feel. You don't remember my story, you haven't walked my path. you haven't seen what I've seen. My past defines me. This is who I am. I am...unseen, unheard, unwanted. That is what I am, if even I am anything.
It seemed like the same thing that held me up, forced me down. The world turned upside down and order disappeared. Nothing was how it was supposed to be. And a heavy sadness filled my soul. Deeper and deeper I fell within myself and nothing could help me out. Trapped in the misery of my life, lost in the sorrow of my soul. Unable to see the light. Unable to see the dawn. To feel... different. To dream.
And I felt the darkest days of my life kept coming, the blackest nights from my soul never stopped. It seemed like it was always nighttime and nightmares and never morning; and maybe you wonder why, but mostly you try not to think about it. And try to get by and try to survive and all the other stuff seems so much like nothing compared to just wanting the most important things back again.
I know I am helpless, dependent, desperate, but what happens when those you need the most threaten your very existence? I've heard plenty of promises and they all sound the same. Push hard enough and sooner or later they all prove to be empty. The sun comes up every morning but do you know where? Each place it's somewhere different. It's hard to find East when you keep moving around, but at least it comes--it always comes. I've come to depend on that.
And slowly, slowly seasons changed around me. And it seemed this time, that maybe the world would not be pulled out from under me again. Feet safe, roots starting to grow. Little buds of hope for me slowly attempting to trust this new life. I wish someone would tell me it's going to be okay. That one day, maybe, I'd feel normal. This my past, my history, my story-- is not my fault. It's not because of me and doesn't have to be or define my future. I am lovable, I am worthy of care, and that glimmer of light... it makes all the difference. The glimmers of light give me hope, that someday my summer will come.
You don't remember my story, all you can think about is your own story. You cannot heal me, you are not a healer. You cannot save me or hide me. This is my story, I have to make peace with it. Once upon a time, there was a girl who was being torn apart. She learned not to trust, to always have her guard up. Sometimes my life feels like a circle, a never-ending, on-going cycle. I don't know how to stop it, or change it, or break it. When I finally come close, it starts all over again. A whirlwind, a tornado , set out to destroy me.
Sometimes things begin to get better, life falls to a new rhythm, a new normal, and it may not be the best; but I've made peace with it. And it feels like, almost, I might be happy. Maybe I can write my own story, start from scratch. Forget all about the past. But then of course, someone else makes a choice and leaves me alone to figure it out. When I finally come close, it starts all over again. The life I always imagined, I see something different than what I see now. Born into the chaos, the winds whip around us. No one stays with us. Everything we know, is taken away. But one day... one day... you will *SHiNE*
It seemed like the same thing that held me up, forced me down. The world turned upside down and order disappeared. Nothing was how it was supposed to be. And a heavy sadness filled my soul. Deeper and deeper I fell within myself and nothing could help me out. Trapped in the misery of my life, lost in the sorrow of my soul. Unable to see the light. Unable to see the dawn. To feel... different. To dream.
And I felt the darkest days of my life kept coming, the blackest nights from my soul never stopped. It seemed like it was always nighttime and nightmares and never morning; and maybe you wonder why, but mostly you try not to think about it. And try to get by and try to survive and all the other stuff seems so much like nothing compared to just wanting the most important things back again.
I know I am helpless, dependent, desperate, but what happens when those you need the most threaten your very existence? I've heard plenty of promises and they all sound the same. Push hard enough and sooner or later they all prove to be empty. The sun comes up every morning but do you know where? Each place it's somewhere different. It's hard to find East when you keep moving around, but at least it comes--it always comes. I've come to depend on that.
And slowly, slowly seasons changed around me. And it seemed this time, that maybe the world would not be pulled out from under me again. Feet safe, roots starting to grow. Little buds of hope for me slowly attempting to trust this new life. I wish someone would tell me it's going to be okay. That one day, maybe, I'd feel normal. This my past, my history, my story-- is not my fault. It's not because of me and doesn't have to be or define my future. I am lovable, I am worthy of care, and that glimmer of light... it makes all the difference. The glimmers of light give me hope, that someday my summer will come.
You don't remember my story, all you can think about is your own story. You cannot heal me, you are not a healer. You cannot save me or hide me. This is my story, I have to make peace with it. Once upon a time, there was a girl who was being torn apart. She learned not to trust, to always have her guard up. Sometimes my life feels like a circle, a never-ending, on-going cycle. I don't know how to stop it, or change it, or break it. When I finally come close, it starts all over again. A whirlwind, a tornado , set out to destroy me.
Sometimes things begin to get better, life falls to a new rhythm, a new normal, and it may not be the best; but I've made peace with it. And it feels like, almost, I might be happy. Maybe I can write my own story, start from scratch. Forget all about the past. But then of course, someone else makes a choice and leaves me alone to figure it out. When I finally come close, it starts all over again. The life I always imagined, I see something different than what I see now. Born into the chaos, the winds whip around us. No one stays with us. Everything we know, is taken away. But one day... one day... you will *SHiNE*
{TRANSCRiBED}
Saturday, April 30, 2016
WHiRLWiND MiND
Mary wondered what John was doing all day long. Even when she tried not to think about him, she couldn't. In her dreams, he would be there holding her close. She just couldn't accept that John had moved on, forgot all about her and her crazy antics. But Mary was persistent -- she often called him from private numbers trying to figure out where he was. She even drove past his house to see if his car was there, it made her calm to see it parked in the driveway. John thought about Mary occasionally, but deep down he knew that she didn't change. She would always be the same, dull and narcissistic. Mary wondered how she could get John back, tried to make him jealous by bringing new guys around in hopes he would spot them with her. But he never did. Mary didn't get the chance to see John again (except for in her dreams). She often cried to her father wishing she could be with John. But her father never liked John anyway and always felt she was better than he was. Mary was very vain, all she cared about was the thoughts of friends and never about what John liked.
John reached out to Mary to say he was sorry for hurting her, but Mary's pride got the best of her and she couldn't accept his apology. Now, she wished that she did. She couldn't accept this was the end of their relationship. "Where was he working?" "What did he do for fun now?" "Did he have a new girlfriend?" All these questions raced through her mind and it drove her to places it never had been before. She started to take drastic measures to find John (although he surely didn't want to be found). She sent out her friends and family to follow him and "run" into him while he was out.
John finally felt free, he didn't have to worry about Mary anymore. Her problems didn't belong to him, he could finally breathe. He started a new job and was making a substantial amount of money. He spent most of his free time fixing his new car, a Dodge Charger. It was black as the dark sky and he loved it. He even named it Black Beauty.
Mary stayed home day after day, her mind consumed by a love that would never return. She couldn't hold a job and her friends used her when no one else was around. Her real best friend was her father, they did almost everything together. He taught her about cars and he would even go shopping with her (even though he hated it).
The years went by and Mary kept living with that phony smile on her face. She pretended she was happy and everyone believed her. But deep down she was sad, she made a big mistake and knew she couldn't take it back. Her main comfort was food and that was what truly made her happy. Pot pies and pizza were some of her favorites. Everything reminded her of John, even foods that she knew he loved too.
Mary realized she gained a lot of weight when John left her. She was disgusted by her reflection in the mirror. She knew if John saw her now, he would be disgusted too. She had enough and decided to enroll in a gym. It was a new day and Mary decided it was going to be a new her. She got ready in the early morning and went straight to the gym. As soon as she walked in, she noticed a guy walking out. Their eyes met and she couldn't believe it. John was standing right in front of her! The moment she once yearned for turned into a total nightmare. Of all days, this was the last she wanted him to see her. "Hi," John said. Mary looked down embarrassed and said "Hi John!" That was it, he was gone in the blink of an eye. Mary started to wonder if he was even there at all or if she was imagining him. Shockingly, he was there. She looked back as he walked to his car. He was in the best shape of his life and smelt really good. Now Mary felt discouraged, John looked so great and she was a walking disaster.
When Mary got home all she did was cry. She was too upset to even tell her father what had happened. John felt bad that he was so cold to Mary, but he knew it had to be this way.
Mary stayed home day after day, her mind consumed by a love that would never return. She couldn't hold a job and her friends used her when no one else was around. Her real best friend was her father, they did almost everything together. He taught her about cars and he would even go shopping with her (even though he hated it).
The years went by and Mary kept living with that phony smile on her face. She pretended she was happy and everyone believed her. But deep down she was sad, she made a big mistake and knew she couldn't take it back. Her main comfort was food and that was what truly made her happy. Pot pies and pizza were some of her favorites. Everything reminded her of John, even foods that she knew he loved too.
Mary realized she gained a lot of weight when John left her. She was disgusted by her reflection in the mirror. She knew if John saw her now, he would be disgusted too. She had enough and decided to enroll in a gym. It was a new day and Mary decided it was going to be a new her. She got ready in the early morning and went straight to the gym. As soon as she walked in, she noticed a guy walking out. Their eyes met and she couldn't believe it. John was standing right in front of her! The moment she once yearned for turned into a total nightmare. Of all days, this was the last she wanted him to see her. "Hi," John said. Mary looked down embarrassed and said "Hi John!" That was it, he was gone in the blink of an eye. Mary started to wonder if he was even there at all or if she was imagining him. Shockingly, he was there. She looked back as he walked to his car. He was in the best shape of his life and smelt really good. Now Mary felt discouraged, John looked so great and she was a walking disaster.
When Mary got home all she did was cry. She was too upset to even tell her father what had happened. John felt bad that he was so cold to Mary, but he knew it had to be this way.
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